You probably clicked on this wondering what exactly it is, well, in simple terms, this is my 'ana playlist', I'm sure all of you have one, I thought it would be cool to share mine. Mine is a bit unconventional in that none of the songs are actually about 'ana', anorexia, eating disorders, whatever, save for a brief mention in one of the songs (watch out for it!), but they are about those feelings that make me want to do all this, they mean something to ME. Those feelings, alienation, disillusionment, the drive for 'artistic self-improvement' as I used to call it, wanting to literally be art (see: the franz kafka section of the starving artists page), and most of all, realising that I was born into a world that does not fit me, and nothing about it seems right, in fact it all seems very, very wrong, the world is impossible for me, and there is nothing that can change that. The following songs represent those feelings to me, I hope this may help you find some new favourites.
The boy with the thorn in his side
Behind the hatred there lies
A murderous desire for love
How can they look into my eyes
And still they don't believe me?
How can they hear me say those words
And still they don't believe me?
And if they don't believe me now
Will they ever believe me?
And if they don't believe me now
Will they ever believe me?
The boy with the thorn in his side
Behing the hatred there lies
A plundering desire for love
How can they see the love in our eyes
And still they don't believe us?
And after all this time
They don't want to believe us
And if they don't believe us now
Will they ever believe us?
And when you want to live
How do you start?
Where'd you go?
Who do you need to know?
Legendary hearts
Tearing us apart
With stories of their love
Their great transcendent loves
While we stand here and fight
And lose another night
Of legendary love
Legendary loves
Haunt me in my sleep
Promises to keep
I never should have made
I can't live up to this
I'm good for just a kiss
Not legendary love
Romeo, oh, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo
He's in a car or at a bar
Or churning his blood with an impure drug
He's in the past and seemingly lost forever
He worked hard at being good
But his basic soul was stained not pure
And when he took his bow
No audience was clapping
Legendary hearts
Tear us all apart
Make our emotions bleed
Crying out in need
No legendary love
Is coming from above
It's in this room right now
And you've got to fight
To make what's right
You've got to fight
To make what's right
You've got to fight
To make what's right
You've got to fight to keep your legendary love
There was a lot of rocking going on that night
Cruising time for the young bright lights
Just down past the gasworks, by the meat factory door
The five lamp boys were coming on strong
The saturday night city beat had already started
And the, the pulse of the corner boys just sprang into action
And young Billy watched it all under the yellow street light
And said "tonight, of all nights, there's gonna be a fight
Billy don't like it living here in this town
He says the traps have been sprung long before he was born
He says "hope bites the dust behind all the closed doors,
And pus and grime ooze from its scab-crusted sores
There's screaming and crying in the high-rise blocks
It's a rat trap Billy, but you're already caught
And you can make it if you wanna or you need it bad enough
You're young and good looking and you're acting kinda tough
Anyway it's Saturday night time to see what's going down
Put on the bright suit Billy, head for the right side of town
It's only 8 o'clock but you're already bored
You don't know what it is but there's got to be more
You'd better find a way out, hey, kick down that door
It's a rat trap and you've been caught
In this town Billy says "everybody's trying to tell you what to do"
In this town Billy says "everybody says you gotta follow rules"
You walk up to the traffic lights
You switch from your left to your right
You push in that button and that button comes alight
It tells you Walk don't walk, walk don't walk
Talk don't talk, talk don't talk
Walk don't walk, walk don't walk
Talk don't talk, talk don't talk
Hey Billy, take a walk, take a walk, take a walk
Billy, take a walk, take a walk, take a walk
Billy, take a walk, take a walk, take a walk
Hey Billy, take a walk with me
Oh, little Judy's trying to watch Top of the Pops
But Mum and Dad are fighting, don't they ever stop?
She takes down her coat and walks down into the street
It's cold on that road, but it's got that home beat
Deep down in her pocket, she finds 50p
Now is that any way for a young girl to be?
"I'm gonna get out of school, work in some factory"
Work all the hours God gave me, get myself a little easy money
Her mind's made up, she walks down the road
Her hands in her pockets, coat buttoned 'gainst the cold
She finally finds Billy down at the Italian cafe
And when he's drunk, it's hard to understand what Billy says
But then he mumbles in his coffee and he suddenly roars
"it's a rat trap, Judy! And we've been caught."
I want to wear the finest shoes
My credit card can buy
I want to eat the finest food
And drink the finest wine
I want the world to stop and stare
Whenever it sees me
But most of all I want to be
In David Hockney's diaries
Most of all I want to be
In David Hockney's diaries
I want to fly around the world
In my own private plane
I want to party every night
So I can sleep all day
I want the world to stop and stare
Whenever it sees me
But most of all I want to be
In David Hockney's diaries
Most of all I want to be
In David Hockney's diaries
I want to be in magazines
And be part of the scene
I want to see my paintings hang
In every gallery
I want the world to stop and stare
Whenever it sees me
But most of all I want to be
In David Hockney's diaries
Most of all I want to be
In David Hockney's diaries
I don't know just where I'm going
But I'm gonna try for the kingdom, if I can
'Cause it makes me feel like I'm a man
When I put a spike into my vein
And I tell you things aren't quite the same
When I'm rushin' on my run
And I feel just like Jesus' son
And I guess that I just don't know
And I guess that I just don't know
I have made big decision
I'm gonna try to nullify my life
'Cause when the blood begins to flow
When it shoots up the dropper's neck
When I'm closing in on death
You can't help me, not you guys
Or all you sweet girls with all your sweet talk
You can all go take a walk
And I guess I just don't know
And I guess that I just don't know
I wish that I was born a thousand years ago
I wish that I'd sailed the darkened seas
On a great big clipper ship
Going from this land here to that
On a sailor's suit and cap
Away from the big city
Where a man cannot be free
Of all the evils of this town
And of himself and those around
Oh, and I guess that I just don't know
Oh, and I guess that I just don't know
Heroin, be the death of me
Heroin, it's my wife and it's my life, haha
Because a mainline in my vein
Leads to a centre in my head
And then I'm better off than dead
Because when the smack begins to flow
I really don't care anymore
About all the Jim-Jims in this town
And all the politicians makin' crazy sounds
And everybody puttin' everybody else down
And all the dead bodies piled up in mounds
'Cause when the smack begins to flow
And I really don't care anymore
Ah, when that heroin is in my blood
Heh, and that blood is in my head
Then thank God that I'm good as dead
And thank your God that I'm not aware
And thank God that I just don't care
And I guess I just don't know
Oh, and I guess I just don't know
The bugger in the short sleeves fucked my wife
Did it quick and split
Back home, fresh as a daisy to Maisy, oh Maisy
And the twelve-bore that stood in the corner
Quite operatic in its self-disgust
It blew him all over the living room floor
Like parrot shit, parrot spit, parrot shit was shot
Now suppose it was someone familiar
Someone we all would know
Embarrassing denouement, n'est-ce pas?
Familiar hyperbole
And there would go the secret plot
The piss had missed the hole and the pot
Like that ancient teenage dream
From soul to poison soul to poison soul
Guts, guts, got no guts
And stitches don't help at all
Guts, guts, got no guts
Holes in the body, holes in the legs
Holes in the forehead, holes in the head
Holes in the body, holes in the legs
There should never be holes at all
There should never be holes at all
So, kill all you want or more
Make sure, do it right
Dead is dead, and door nails forget
And then you'll notice
How the waster and the wasted
Get to look like one another
In the end, in the end
In the end, in the end
In the end, in the end
In the end, in the end
The object, unsoiled, is packed, ready and waiting
For the moment of truth in this spiritual mating
The object, unsoiled, is packed, ready and waiting
To be owned, cherished, to be fucked for the naming
The public are shocked by the state of society
But as for you, you're a breath of purity
Well, don't give me your morals! They're filth in my eyes!
You can pack them away with the rest of your lies
Your painted mask of ugly perfection
The ring on your finger, the sign of protection
Is the rape on page 3, is the soldier's obsession
How well you've been called to support your oppression:
One God!
One church!
One husband...
One wife!
Sordid sequences in brilliant life!
Supports, and props, and punctuates
To our flowing realities and realisations
We're talking with words that have been used before
To describe us as goddesses, mothers and whores
Describe us as women, to describe us as men
Set out the rules of this ludicrous game
Then it's played very carefully, a delicate balance
A masculine/feminine perfect alliance
Does the winner take all? What love in your grasping?
What vision is left, and is anyone asking?
What vision is left, and is anyone asking?
In fear every day, every evening
He calls her aloud from above
Carefully watched for a reason
Painstaking devotion and love
Surrendered to self preservation
From others who care for themselves
A blindness that touches perfection
But hurts just like anything else
Isolation, isolation, isolation
Mother I tried please believe me
I'm doing the best that I can
I'm ashamed of the things I've been put through
I'm ashamed of the person I am
Isolation, isolation, isolation
But if you could just see the beauty
These things I could never describe
These pleasures a wayward distraction
This is my one lucky prize
All your two-bit friends
They're shooting you up with pills
They said that it was good for you
That it would cure your ills
I don't care just where it's at
I'm just like an alley cat
And when you're filled up to here with hate
Don't you know you gotta get it straight
Filled up to here with hate
Beat her black and blue and get it straight
Do, do, do, do, do, do
When you're lookin' through the eyes of hate
All your two-bit friends
They asked you for your autograph
They put you on the stage
They thought it'd be good for a laugh
I don't care just where it's at
I'm just like an alley cat
And when you're filled up to here with hate
Don't you know you gotta get it straight
Filled up to here with hate
Beat her black and blue and get it straight
Uh-huh
Oh, Jim
How, could you treat me this way?
Hey, hey, hey
How could you treat me this way?
Oh, Jim
How could you treat me this way?
Hey, hey
How'd you treat me this way?
You know you broke my heart
Ever since you went away
Now you said that you love us
But you only made love to one of us
Oh, oh, oh, oh, Jim
How could you treat me this way?
You know you broke my heart
Ever since you went away
When you're looking through the eyes of hate
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Standing waiting for a man to show
Wide-eyed, one eye fixed on the door
This waiting is killing me
It's wearing me down
Day in, day out
My feet are burning holes in the ground
Darkness warmer than a bedroom floor
Want someone to hold me close forever more
I'm a sleeping dog, but you can't tell
When I'm on the prowl, you better run like hell
You know it makes sense, don't even think about it
Life and death are things you just do when you're bored
Say fear is a man's best friend
Say fear is a man's best friend
Say fear is a man's best friend
You add it up, it brings you down
You add it up, it brings you down
Home is living like a man on the run
Trails leading nowhere, where to, my son?
We're already dead, but not yet in the ground
Come on, shake my helping hand
I'll show you around
You know it makes sense, don't even think about it
Life and death are things you just do when you're bored
Say fear is a man's best friend
Say fear is a man's best friend
Say fear is a man's best friend
You add it up, it brings you down
You add it up, it brings you down
You leave in the morning with everything you own in a little black case
Alone on the platform, the wind and the rain on a sad and lonely face
Mother will never understand why you had to leave
But the answers you seek will never be found at home
The love that you need will never be found at home
Run away, turn away, run away, turn away, run away
Run away, turn away, run away, turn away, run away
Pushed around and kicked around, always a lonely boy
You were the one that they'd talk about around town as they put you down
And as hard as they would try they'd hurt to make you cry
But you never cried to them, just to your soul
No, you never cried to them, just to your soul
Run away, turn away, run away, turn away, run away
In the past I always tried
But I never got amongst the glittering prizes
I put it down to confidence
Or something trendy like an emotional complex
Pretty soon I'm gonna change
Pretty soon I'm gonna change
Pretty soon I'm gonna change
You won't recognise me
Glittering prizes for me
Glittering prizes for me
I wear a clean shirt everyday
And I quite enjoy my job as an office boy
But the novelty begins to fade
'Cause I never get the chance to play with executive toys
Pretty soon I'm gonna change
Pretty soon I'm gonna change
Pretty soon I'm gonna change
You won't recognise me
Stephanie says that she wants to know
Why she's given half her life to people she hates now
Stephanie says when answering the phone
What country shall I say is calling from across the world
But she's not afraid to die
The people all call her Alaska
Between worlds, so the people ask her
'Cause it's all in her mind
It's all in her mind
Stephanie says that she wants to know
Why it is though she's the door, she can't be the room
Stephanie says but doesn't hang up the phone
What seashell sea is calling
From across the world
But she's not afraid to die
The people all call her Alaska
Between worlds so the people ask her
'Cause it's all in her mind
It's all in her mind
They're asking is it good or bad
It's such an icy feeling
It's so cold in Alaska
It's so cold in Alaska
It's so cold in Alaska
The greyhound's rocking out tonight
To maximum rockabilly
When two punks choose to risk the subway
For a tube to Picadilly
And the Zephyrs stir fast gangs for glory
Another dumb casualty
Having fun
In South West six
When a hidden flick knife flicks
Kiss me deadly tonight
Another battle was won and lost
Down The Bishops End last night
Spotlights pick the kids in triumph
With a thousand scarves in flight, see how they run
Spring from the terraces in black and white
Young and old into the fight
Having fun
In South West six
With violence for a fix
Kiss me deadly tonight
Seven o'clock they stand in rank
For the thirty bus uptown
And later in a downstairs room
She pulls her lover down
In ecstacy but they can't make a sound
Case her mother might come down
Having fun
In South West six
Discovers teenage sex
Kiss me deadly tonight
The Snooker Hall is empty
'Cause they're all out playin' pool
Hustlin' down the Fulham Road
Doin' deals with Mister Cool
Well, they're all out on the waterfront now
Instead of bein' at school
Too old now
Even to dig pinball
Havin' fun
In South West 6
Havin' fun
Well, a hidden flick-knife flicks
With violence for a fix
Discovers teenage sex
Tries shootin' up for kicks
Oh, kiss me deadly
Kiss me deadly
Kiss me deadly
Kiss me, oh kiss me
Tonight
Passion that shouts
And red with anger
I lost myself
Through alleys of mysteries
I went up and down
Like a demented train
Don't take it personal
I choose my own fate
I follow love
I follow hate
Don't take it personal
I choose my own fate
I follow love
I follow hate
Searching for something
That makes hearts move
I found myself
But my best possession
Walked into the shade
And threatened to drift away
Don't take it personal
I choose my own fate
I follow love
I follow hate
Don't take it personal
I choose my own fate
I follow love
I follow hate
Full of myself
I left you behind
As if I could
Possessed by Quixote's dream
Went to fight dragons
In the land of concrete
Don't take it personal
I choose my own fate
I follow love
I follow hate
Don't take it personal
I choose my own fate
I follow love
I follow hate
Rolling in pain
Discovered what hurts
And tasted hell
Infatuated by madness
I danced in flames
And drunk in the depth of love
Don't take it personal
I choose my own fate
I follow love
I follow hate
Don't take it personal
I choose my own fate
I follow love
I follow hate
Don't take it personal
I choose my own fate
I follow love
I follow hate
I hear my father shouting at my mother in the room next door
He's always threatening to pack his bags 'cause he can't take anymore
And my brother's anorexic and no one seems to care about the state he's in
And my sister's in the tub, she's a barmaid in a pub
And my mother's full of gin
Can you hear?
Can you hear?
Can you hear?
This angry silence
I spend the days on my own writing silly poetry
Writing poems for the girl I love but she doesn't love me
And I'm scared to go out at night, it's not safe on the streets
And it's hard to disagree in today's society you can't trust anyone you meet
Can you hear?
Can you hear?
Can you hear?
This angry silence
Listen, listen, listen, listen, listen
This angry silence
Listen, listen, listen, listen, listen
This angry silence
This angry silence
This angry silence
This angry silence
Back when I was younger they were talking at me
Never listened to a word I said
Back when I was younger they were talking at me
Never listened to a word I said
Always yap-yap-yapping and complaining at me
Made me think I'd be better off dead
I don't want to talk about it
I don't want to hear no lip
Take your share, don't shout about it
That's your lot, remember you're a kid
They would always teach me that to swear was a sin
Always speak your mind but not aloud
Think of something that you want to do with your life
Nothing that you like, that's not allowed
I've no time to talk about it
All your stupid hopes and dreams
Get your feet back on the ground, son
It's exams that count, not football teams
And I'm running at the edge of their world
They're criticising something they just can't understand
Living on the edge of their town
And I won't be shot down
Taught me to defend myself and to be a man
How to kick someone and run away
Gave me everything that any young man could need
But don't understand why I won't stay
Here's your room and here's your records
Here's your home and here you'll stay
Here's somewhere I don't believe in
Wish someone would take it all away
And I'm running at the edge of their world
They're criticising something they just can't understand
Living on the edge of their town
And I won't be shot down
Running at the edge of their world
And they're criticising something they just can't understand
Living on the edge of their town
And I won't be
No, I won't be
No, I won't be shot down