04/04/26 03:34
Good morning.. yes it is 3am, yes I just woke up. I have a sleep disorder, it's horrendous, my sleeping time shifts one hour later each night, last night I went to bed at 7pm, at least it's getting closer to normal. Anyway, yesterday sucked, I ate too much, like 1900 calories, horrid, but I did walk lots, for at least two hours listening to all different music, might've been closer to three hours now that I think about it. I suppose the 1900 calories is okay, I probably will lose a little bit of weight from that (my metabolism is no longer messed up from restriction + I'm a man + I'm a healthy weight + I walk a LOT), but I NEED to start dropping my intake down. I'm just so not used to restriction now that I was 'in recovery' for almost a year, I gained so much weight, fuck. I was underweight consistently from March 2024 to June 2025, I miss it so much, the lowest I ever got to was 45kg and now I'm fluctuating between 59 and 60, I miss being skinny so much, I never went above 50kg for all of 2024. I have two big issues, it's easter, I've been given two easter eggs, I need the, GONE NOW, I guess I will try and eat them as often as possible within my intake so they can be gone quickly, well, that's not very anorexic of me, but it'll have to do. Here's the other dilemma, tomorrow I'm meeting my sort-of-almost-not-really-girlfriend, well, she's not my girlfriend, but there's a thing, anyway. I told her we'd go to town, promised to buy her a mcdonalds or something, standard issue teenage stuff, maccies date, and I will, but now I'm so freaked out because I don't know what to have, I could just have a cheeseburger, they're only about 300 calories, but I don't want her to catch on or feel bad for eating a meal, I guess I could just say I'm broke, which I am, but then she'd feel bad if I got her something proper, fuck, I just don't know what to do.
03/04/26 03:54
A new blog page, because I changed my mind, I binged like crazy yesterday because the idea of following a diet exactly is always too much for me, I'll leave that
previous page there, but this is the location where I will log my food in the near future, as well as my weight, my exercise, etc. Anyway, I want to be 42kg, or slightly less, so so so badly, so yes, here I will document my descent into madness. --Godstar.